Making Change Stick

by Jon Haarstad on February 3, 2013

One of the greatest barriers to making decisive and lasting change in our lives is the war we surrender before the battle has even begun. That war is our internal language.

You do it. I do it. Even though we often consider any man or woman who talks to themselves out loud crazy, we all talk to ourselves. Audibly or internally. Our words either build us up or bind us down.

If you’re like me, there are plenty of bad habits I wish to break and good habits I wish to start. If you’re like me, you’ve had great epiphanies that start great campaigns that often are short-lived with an abrupt end or slowly fade to nothing.

Good intentions. Poor follow-through. And the cycle continues.

Too many times of starting and not finishing creates a self-identity that is hard to shake. If we have consistenly proven to ourselves that we are horrible at finishing what we begin, then the language has us in it’s grasp and more often than not, we are doomed before we begin the next time a great thought of change strikes us.

With dieting, the language is often about “doing without”. Here’s my dialogue and I’m sure many can relate.

“No more sugar. I’m getting my weight back down to where I want it and I want to avoid the sugar crash.”

“No more eating out. It’s killing my budget. I know it’s easy but no, I need to save money and eat healthier.”

What’s common in both instances above? The word “no”. We can also subsitute in the word “can’t” and “won’t”. All negative words.

But here’s the twist to the dialogue that I realize needs to change. I need to truly know and feel what it is I’m eating for not against. Food is a necessity. Often, by trying to forcibly cut down my eating, studies show we often gain more weight because our body reacts to what it perceives as starvation.

Ok, so I have to eat. Now, instead of saying I “can’t” eat x and y, is there an alternative? How about “I get to eat x”. Let’s take it one step further and start with the end in mind. What’s the end? I want to live healthy. Let’s add more and make it more present-tense language. I live healthy to enjoy a greater life experience.

So, back to the food question. With the end in mind, how does that change the statement?

“I live heathy to enjoy a greater life experience therefore I get to eat the kind of foods that add to my life experience today, tomorrow and as I age.”

See the change? Instead of “can’t” it becomes “get to”. Instead of “no”, I’m creating a “yes”. I’ve turned the focus on a negative behavior into a focus on a good behavior that comes with a why.

Change your internal dialogue and your chance to create lasting change in your life increases exponentially. If you have a clear picture of the why, then the positive changes should be good changes because you’ve set a picture of what it is that is great for you.

I can guarantee this much. We will all have bad minutes, hours, days and weeks when we fail. But the key is to keep the why always before you. Write it down somewhere highly visible. Revisit it every day. It’s harder to paddle a course without the intended land in sight and I would wager than the more constant the reminder, the shorter the times of lapse.

Find your land. Find that person you see yourself being and then all the “no’s” and “can’t”s will become inconsequential in light of all the “yes”s and “get-to”s.

Change your language and you’ll change yourself.

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Bassist Ad

by Jon Haarstad on March 1, 2012

Time for a little mid-week humor.  Someone sent me this Craigslist ad and I had such a good laugh…I thought I’d share.

Bass player (Missoula)

Bass player available for PAYING GIGS ONLY. I play G, C, D. If your songs are not in G, please transpose them into G. If your song has an Em or Bm or anything off the wall I will probably sit out that chord. Or I could learn those notes for $30 each. If you want me to do fancy stuff like go back and forth between G and D while you hold a G chord, forget it because I’m a “pocket” player. Minimum $100 per gig within a 5 mile radius of 59801. $5 per mile travel charge for other areas out of town. Please make sure your gigs are on a MOUNTAIN LINE bus route, or you can pick me up at my place. Since I use the bus, it is impractical for me to bring my amp, so you must provide a suitable amp for me to use, preferably an Ampeg SVT. If you pick me up, I can bring my amp, but since it’s only 30 watts, everyone will need to play at a lower volume so as not to bury me in the mix. Must be home by 11pm due to previous legal hassles. No gigs within 500 yards of schools, parks, or playgrounds.

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Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

by Jon Haarstad on July 18, 2011

This is a bit of a confession mixed with a personal challenge. I love learning and talking about the idea of living a minimalistic life where less is more. There comes a tipping point for some of us when it comes to the “stuff” we surround ourselves with and for me, I have found that I’m at my best when clutter is at a minimum.

Confession – I have times when I have surrounded myself with that ugly “clutter”.

Realization – I’m at my best when the clutter is gone and my mind is not distracted by all the half-finished projects and someday-maybe items laying around.

So what’s the fix? How do we get out from the clutter of our lives and create a life story we love waking up to every day?

First of all, there’s something incredibly powerful about the word NOW. “Later” is the lure that keeps us living a life we’re just not quite happy with. NOW is about this exact moment. What do we do with this moment? Do we think about what we have to do or do we do it? Do we fret about what’s not done or do we take that single step that can start momentum in the right direction.

Instead of waiting for things to either come to a place of urgency or waiting for a 10-hour block of time to magically appear in your schedule – START with that first step. What’s the next small and simple thing you can do? Do it. Do it now. Don’t have a 3 hour block of time in your schedule today to tackle that big project? How about 15 minutes? You must have 15 minutes you can free up to do 1 or 2 tasks related that big project.

Making things happen is not about the daily sprint…it’s about the marathon. Daily sprints are short and furious and typically lead to burn out or the need for lots of recuperation time. Plan life as a marathon and break things up in management (and trackable) sections and rejoice as you reach the milestones.

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Getting Technical : Yammer

June 7, 2011

I’m going to take a little break from the personal stuff and offer up some completely non-personal, “it’s-all-business” thoughts. One of the common things I’m asked about is what tools I use in my daily workflow. For today’s entry…let’s talk about Yammer. First off…ever heard of this little website called Twitter? No? Well…trust me, I [...]

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Obligation or Justification

May 31, 2011

I was browsing some recent photo collections from my recent travels to Ethiopia and seeing some images that were posted to my church’s online photo collection brought back some memories. This was a unique stop on our way back to the capital city of Addis Ababa after we had spent a few days in the [...]

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