One of the greatest barriers to making decisive and lasting change in our lives is the war we surrender before the battle has even begun. That war is our internal language.
You do it. I do it. Even though we often consider any man or woman who talks to themselves out loud crazy, we all talk to ourselves. Audibly or internally. Our words either build us up or bind us down.
If you’re like me, there are plenty of bad habits I wish to break and good habits I wish to start. If you’re like me, you’ve had great epiphanies that start great campaigns that often are short-lived with an abrupt end or slowly fade to nothing.
Good intentions. Poor follow-through. And the cycle continues.
Too many times of starting and not finishing creates a self-identity that is hard to shake. If we have consistenly proven to ourselves that we are horrible at finishing what we begin, then the language has us in it’s grasp and more often than not, we are doomed before we begin the next time a great thought of change strikes us.
With dieting, the language is often about “doing without”. Here’s my dialogue and I’m sure many can relate.
“No more sugar. I’m getting my weight back down to where I want it and I want to avoid the sugar crash.”
“No more eating out. It’s killing my budget. I know it’s easy but no, I need to save money and eat healthier.”
What’s common in both instances above? The word “no”. We can also subsitute in the word “can’t” and “won’t”. All negative words.
But here’s the twist to the dialogue that I realize needs to change. I need to truly know and feel what it is I’m eating for not against. Food is a necessity. Often, by trying to forcibly cut down my eating, studies show we often gain more weight because our body reacts to what it perceives as starvation.
Ok, so I have to eat. Now, instead of saying I “can’t” eat x and y, is there an alternative? How about “I get to eat x”. Let’s take it one step further and start with the end in mind. What’s the end? I want to live healthy. Let’s add more and make it more present-tense language. I live healthy to enjoy a greater life experience.
So, back to the food question. With the end in mind, how does that change the statement?
“I live heathy to enjoy a greater life experience therefore I get to eat the kind of foods that add to my life experience today, tomorrow and as I age.”
See the change? Instead of “can’t” it becomes “get to”. Instead of “no”, I’m creating a “yes”. I’ve turned the focus on a negative behavior into a focus on a good behavior that comes with a why.
Change your internal dialogue and your chance to create lasting change in your life increases exponentially. If you have a clear picture of the why, then the positive changes should be good changes because you’ve set a picture of what it is that is great for you.
I can guarantee this much. We will all have bad minutes, hours, days and weeks when we fail. But the key is to keep the why always before you. Write it down somewhere highly visible. Revisit it every day. It’s harder to paddle a course without the intended land in sight and I would wager than the more constant the reminder, the shorter the times of lapse.
Find your land. Find that person you see yourself being and then all the “no’s” and “can’t”s will become inconsequential in light of all the “yes”s and “get-to”s.
Change your language and you’ll change yourself.
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